I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
