After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
