He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
