If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
