You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my being single is dangerous.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
