well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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