The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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