new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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