uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk is not a location!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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