So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
