He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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