I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
