I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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