I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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