i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
