Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
