It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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