Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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