Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
