just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
