Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
