i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
