how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
