VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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