he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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