this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
