he puts the penis in happiness.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
