I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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