Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
