My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
