forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
