Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
