There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
