All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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