check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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