Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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