i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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