Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
