Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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