omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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