I just pynch a tree in the face
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
