I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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