i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
