what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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