He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
