Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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