I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
