as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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