but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
