So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
